F.R.I.E.N.D.S Posted by S&M NY , Monday, January 28, 2013 at 12:59 AM, in

So I am not going to lie...I and am sure plenty of other people yawn and roll their eyes when someone blogs about their "journey" or things of that nature. However it wasn't until I started writing about my personal experiences that I realized how cathartic it could be. I had a moment today when I just thought about how lucky I am. I thought about the people in my life, how I met them and how I will never forget them. My mother once told me "some people are meant to be in your life for a minute and some people are meant to be in your life for a lifetime but each one has an impact no matter how long they are there" This is something I will never forget. The next twelve people I talk about are people I have known for mere months or over a decade but I hope they will all be in my life for a lifetime. They have all contributed to the person I am right now at this very moment writing this piece, which might sound self serving but...to be frank I don't care.

Here it goes...in no particular order BTW you caddy bitches =D

Matty Stanz
I have known Matty (the M in S&M) for about two years but it really wasn't till last January that we really bonded and found our footing. Since then we have been virtually inseparable. People tend to hate us together and roll their eyes when we refer to each other as Tia and Tamara Mowery, but we really are like sisters. We fight and love just as hard as any two girls bonded by blood lol Many people see us out or see us having fun but don't really know the other side of our friendship. We constantly talk about love, our goals, our hopes and dreams, boys, family...life and those are the moments I really cherish (besides the drunken dancing on the stairs at The Ritz of course) Matty has taught me things that he probably isn't even aware of. He taught me to believe in fate and that sometimes things really are just meant to happen. I cant tell you how much this one small notion has given me such comfort over the last few months. It is nice to think that life isn't just a strand of random events a chain of them leading you from one thing to the next. I have to say as weird as it sounds..his belief in love as made me believe again. I am thankful to have him in my life and I am forever thankful for choosing him as a bus ride partner in Atlantic City.

Michael Madrid
Dum..dum.dum...While the name might instill fear in many, Michael is one of the sweetest, smartest, caring and loving people I have known. I give him a hard time because that is just the nature of our friendship. I met Michael over a year ago when he was the general manager of a local gay bar Mix. Off the bat, he was combative, intimidating and rude and as it turned out it was exactly what I needed in a friend. I needed someone to teach me how to stand up for myself and on my own two feet. If you ran into us in public you would think we were mortal enemies the way we spoke to each other, but it was what we did best, just like Jack and Karen from Will & Grace as we so frequently referred to each other as. Out of all the friendships here ours has gone under the biggest transformation. We have both grown and have seen the softer side of Sears. We know where we stand with each other and genuinely love and care about the others well being. There is no way that I could be so assertive and confident if it wasn't for his not so gentle guiding hand. I am grateful for the opportunities that has given me and what he has done for me. I hope that I can do the same for him at some point. 

Greg Goes
Aww my little kitty cuore mio. Greg was one of the first people I became close with after breaking up with boyfriend of five years. I was drawn to him immediately because of who he is; plain and simple. If you have ever have had the pleasure of meeting him you know he is one of the sweetest people you will ever meet. I mean it. There isn't a mean bone in his body. Even when he does try, you can almost tell that it pains him to do so. He has never judged me, nothing but love and support. He gave me confidence, something I lacked quite a bit. We have had so many adventures together and really taught me how to be free. Greg doesn't care about what other people think. He is spontaneous and has such a passion for life that is truly inspiring. I have seen his journey over the last couple of years and I am so very proud of him. He truly is fearless and I envy him.  Between inside jokes, tank tops, P Town and picnics I don't know what I would do without him.

Greg Kimball
Oh Soup...while my friendship with Greg Kimball hasn't been a long one it certainly has been a fun one. Between long talks on walks home and wild nights out I am lucky to have become fast friends with him. He has given me the gift of saying everything with saying nothing at all. He has taught me how to pick my battles. I swear I would have to talk about everything but he has taught me that sometimes its best to just let things go. He's right. More often then not they figure themselves out. He is beautiful, smart, snarky, caring, witty and talented. The perfect deadly combination!

Bradley Hawks
I could probably leave his whole portion blank because anyone that knows Brad or has heard of Brad has never had and probably never will have a bad thing to say about him. He is the definition of the guy that will give you the shirt off his back. I met Brad in a very interesting way and by interesting I mean four or five times drunk and each time I never remembered him. I will say now that I know him I will never forget him. Brad is one of the most driven, smartest, talented, flawless and witty people I know..I mean Survivor out wit you. He has had a huge impact on me. He makes me want more, make me hold my head a little higher and believe in myself that much more. From building tents, to porch talks, TV time to 3 am bouncing I am always delighted to see him...even if he scaring me upon entrance (payback is coming) I now look forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas that much more because we get to spend it together. A drunken tradition I hold close to my heart and liver.  I am lucky to have such a caring and understanding person in my life. 

Amy Cerasuolo
This bitch...lol Where do I begin? I met Amy when I was still in a relationship and as soon as I met her I thought who is this girl and how do I bottle her up and keep her for forever. Amy has one of the most dynamic personalities ever. A fire cracker to say the least. Sarcasm is an art form that we both master. Upon our first drunken meeting it was clear we were meant to be bestees. I mean on many occasions she would announce how she wanted to marry me...I don't care if it was to the tune of Bruno Mars in a crowded bar. Verbal contracts are binding in New York. She has a tough exterior but a gentle heart and has shown it so much throughout our friendship.  Besides making me look stunning on a monthly basis with my regular haircuts and occasional dye jobs she also makes me feel like a million bucks on the inside. I love our stoop cigarettes where we just laugh and vent. She has this amazing quality where she makes you feel like you are the only person in the room and let me tell you that ain't easy at some gay bar in Hells Kitchen!She has been there for many (and there have been) of my ups and downs, never judging just a constant presence telling me it would all be okay. It has been okay and then some and I am so happy that she is a huge part of my life.

Ron DeRosa
Well, well, well. Where do I begin? I met Ron through Greg a couple of years ago; would you like to know my first reaction? I hate this kid. Upon my second meeting do you want to know my reaction? Who the hell is this kid? Would you like to know my reaction the third time? I fucking love this kid. They do say the third time is the charm. Ron is one of those rare breeds. I swear God broke the mold when they made this one. We became close because we both realized that neither of us were going to take the other ones shit. We call em like we see em. When we first became friends I thought why the hell are we friends. If you were to look at us side by side you would think what do these two have in common? He is a shiny, clean cut, masculine, smart, mature, responsible golden boy and I quite frankly am well a little bit of a messy queen. For whatever reason it just works. I look up to him. He lives his life fearlessly. No regrets. He goes for what he wants and usually gets it. He is one of the most selfless, caring, smart, sophisticated, motivated,  hilarious, confident people I know. He has done everything from giving me advice, to helping me lose weight to giving me "kitty" He has done more for me then he will ever know. He kind of helped me put the pieces together in my life; usually by calling out what I am doing wrong. If you want someone to tell you that you are right when you are wrong, then he is not the person to call. If you want someone to listen to you and tell you the truth then keep him on speed dial. He really is like a big brother. He can make fun of me for my sequin frocks but watch out if it is someone else because this puss has claws. We have each others backs, which when you live in New York City you need a quick witted friend coming to your aid sometimes to fight off the nasty gays lol I look forward to what this next year and many more shopping excursions will bring.

Nico Apalla
I met Nick and I thought...this kid is crazy. Done. We are friends. For as crazy and outrageous Nick can be he is also beyond smart and responsible. You would never think when meeting him at 4 am at Posh with his shirt off that the kid is a fucking scientist! Nick, has taught me to not care, to dance like no one is watching...and if they are give em a show. He has also taught me, that if they are watching and have something to say..stand up for yourself. Nick is the kind of guy that will go out with you till 4 am dance up a storm but will be bike riding at 9 am the next morning while you are still peeling your face off the bathroom floor. The great thing about that is the phone call. Even if it wakes me I am so happy to see his face pop up. He a. wants to make sure that you are okay b. wants to recap the night prior and c. wants to know what the next plan is. If you know me at all a and b are like my favorite things to talk about. I wish that I was half as smart as him. When he starts talking about politics, religion, science or anything that isn't on TMZ all I can do is nod my head and remind myself to buy an encyclopedia. His commitment to his work and his body are uncanny and I hope at some point I can get there as well. I love you boo boo!

Marianna Pagelli
It is crazy to think of how long I have known Marianna Pagelli and I don't like doing so often because it makes me feel old. I have known Marianna for over ten years. From kids drinking in bars to adults drinking in bars...I guess it's nice to know some things don't change. Some things do change though. Marianna has been through it all with me. This girl deserves an award. Breakups, makeups, births and deaths she has been there. I cannot believe all that we have been through and as much as I tell people our stories no one will ever know the half...and I like that. I like that we have a history that is all ours. Marianna and I met in high school and I fell in love...well as much as I could as a 16 year old closeted gay man. She hates this story so I will tell it. I had a huge crush on her and everyone knew it. I would go to Hallmark where she worked and hang out, help her whatever as long as I could see her.  We would party on the weekends and I could never get the time of day...I think it was because she knew I was a Mo. Naturally this made coming out to her just that much harder. Soon after I turned 18, I decided it was time. She was one of the last people I told. I was terrified. I was nervous that she would never be my friend again, that she would look at me differently.I pulled her into the alleyway next to Galaxy (now MexiQ for all you Astorians) the Greek cafe where we frequented and told her. It was like I said did you know the Pope wore a funny hat? She knew and didn't care. All the fears that I had subsided and out of all the friends that I had all those years ago, she is the only one that is still in my life. I cry as I write about her because she is one of the most amazing people that I have ever been blessed with in my life. She has come to countless family functions, listened to me cry, made me cry from laughing, gone shot for shot, seen every bad tan, every bad hair cut, every mistake, every triumph. She has never judged me. She has always shown me nothing but unconditional love. I miss working with her. I miss her chasing me around the office with scissors, I miss our mid day smoke breaks but I never have to miss her because she is always just a phone call or a quick walk away. Even now, now that she is engaged that hasn't changed. I am so proud of her. She is mature, level headed, gorgeous, smart, talented, loving and just a refreshing person to be around. Though our relationship has changed, I no longer feel guilt about it. Our lives are different now. While we might not see each other every day or every weekend we make time now more then ever to see each other or talk to each other and every time we do we pick up right where we left off. Laughing and going shot for shot. just like when we were sixteen. I love you.

Austin C. Bradley
Austin...hmmm what to say what to say. =) I never thought I could learn so much from someone that I used to consider my little brother. What a difference a year makes. I met Austin through Amy. He was one of my first friends after my break up and embraced me with the biggest of open arms. I used to hate it when he would work at night and the three of us couldn't go to the bar. Time and people change. Austin and I have had a pretty interesting relationship. I think that it is because we are both on paths of self discovery. We have   fought and had periods where we didn't speak but we have also forgiven and loved each other in spite of our mistakes. That is what friends do. I have seen that "little bar brother" change so much over the past year and I could not be any prouder. He has taken full control of his life.Dreams aren't just that anymore, they are quickly becoming his reality. If he wants to do something he is most certainly doing it and all the way.  Austin is one of the bravest people I know. He is not afraid to put it all out there. I admire that. His mistakes are his and he owns them...but more then that learns from them. He is one of the biggest reasons I can write pieces like these. He has always been there for me. From the smallest things like getting a cord to help me DJ to coming over at 4 am to talk I wont forget the amazing things he has done and continues to do. He is still my favorite person to cuddle. I am lucky to have such a great friend that to travel down these paths with and have to pick each other when we stumble

David Klimkowski
David. Shut the fuck up. lol Just saying his name makes my heart melt a little. I love this boy. There is no other person that can get me to put a pumpkin under my shirt and have me pretend to be pregnant for a half hour and sit there and find it hysterical for the full thirty minutes. I have never been so silly with anyone in my life. That is David. He makes you feel safe and makes it okay to let your guard down. He has one of the biggest hearts I know. He is genuine, sweet, hilarious, handsome, silly and the best person to have a conversation with at 5 am in the bathroom with the water running. What other friend would make you a bed on the bathroom floor because you were sick and then stay just to make sure that you were okay. What other friend would come to Disney World for a family reunion and be excited to wear the matching tee shirts? I never laugh as hard as I do when I am with him. I am so blessed to have such a great friend that I can talk to and open up to but knows when to shut me up with a joke because I am getting too much in my head...again. In the last year I have probably spent 363 out of the 365 days with David and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Junior
Ah..Pep. The newest addition to my group of friends he has definitely made a huge impression. From nights out to long phone calls I am so grateful that we talked on that awkward walk home from the Yankees game. Such a level, headed, sweet, caring and butch guy! Ugh who knew I would have a friend that liked cars and junk. In the short time I have known him he has taught me to not sell myself short which I constantly do, that every mistake makes for a lesson learned, never to settle and it is always okay to wear sequins. I never have to worry about being myself. I look forward to the upcoming year and to see what happens next. 

I just want everyone to know how lucky I am to have these people in my life. My life has been forever changed for the better because of them. If you don't know these people, you should get to know them. If you do know them get closer. I am glad I did. 

Love,
Scotty Em