Single. Why So Scary? Posted by S&M NY , Tuesday, January 15, 2013 at 12:30 PM, in

Single. It can be one of the most frightening words in the English language. I was twenty years old when i fell in love. it probably was before that but took me some time to realize. I began dating my best friend of ten years and i thought this is it. He knew my past, he knew all my dark secrets and was still there. I could stop running around and bed hopping and breathe. We dated on and off (mostly on) for five years. It was and still is the most intense and passionate relationship i have ever had. After five years, and five hundred fights i came to the conclusion that we just weren't right  for each other. A conclusion that my friends and i believe my now ex boyfriend had realized long before myself. It's been almost two years since we've parted ways. In that time we have both completely transformed ourselves. Amid drastic weight loss on both our parts, we have grown up; something we could never do together. I wont speak for him but I will say while we aren't on the best terms I am extremely proud of the man he has become. He is a mature, confident, well rounded, sexy, smart ,caring, goal oriented, passionate and loving man. I wish him nothing but all the happiness in the world. He's had successful relationships since we've broken up and I haven't...except for one...myself. In the last two years I have been on a wild roller coaster. I have drank all day and stayed up all night, been reckless, been nasty; all while thinking I was becoming this amazing individual. I really went from one extreme to another. The shy overweight wallflower, to the loud obnoxious slightly less overweight party animal. In that time I have met some of the most amazing people that have helped me realize my potential, who I am and who I want to be. I am finally comfortable in my own skin. I am happy to say that I have come to a happy medium. Someone that I can be proud of. 

With all of that said...the word single doesn't scare me. It excites me. I know who I am,what I want and what I deserve. Dating can be tough. A lot of guys out there are really just like a used car salesman. You think you are buying a 2013 Mercedes but really you re getting a 1970 Pinto.Some guys just tell you what you want to hear or what they believe they mean.  Sometimes guys are just idiots. I have learned all of this from the amazing people around me. I look at my friends and their ability to just put themselves out there and be completely vulnerable and I want that. I want that for them and I want that for myself. While the fear or rejection used to consume me, it no longer stands in my way. I look at my friends who will talk to a wall if it talks back, so why not? Why not put yourself out there? You never know what you will get out of it. I have found that even if nothing comes from a conversation with a stranger it was enjoyable just to talk to someone new. Knowing yourself and knowing that you have a great group of people behind you to lean on make it all that much easier. Practice makes perfect and trust me, just when you need it the most there could be a guy right around the corner to excite you and remind you that there are guys everywhere and at any minute you can find the one.

-Scotty