Girls, I have been always been under the illusion that when it comes to cosmetics and beauty, less is more. When I do me face, I certainly use my tricks like concealer and highlighter and my other secret lotions and potions, yet when I leave the house, I always look natural and glowing, not like I need a claw hammer to crack the slap off my face. Do these wee girls look in the mirror before they leave their houses? Did their fathers make love to a bag of Cheetos because they come across as Umpa Lumpa pandas. When did the feminine instinct to look sexy morph into a race to see how much of your natural beauty can be drowned in orange paint?
I would love to know the process involved in getting this much make-up onto one's face. Does it involve paint brushes, immersion tanks, power wash hoses? Can a clown school graduate make a living as a celebrity make-up artist? I am telling ye one thing ladies, cold cream ain't going to wipe that war paint off your face. Only a cast iron chisel will.
Jordan, Katie Price, Mrs. Andre, Mrs. Reid or whatever you are calling yourself these days, LESS IS MORE. I know this is your look and I know you market yourself based on your outrageous antics, but OH MY GOD. Your beauty is drowned out by hard, cold, orange paste that hides your beautiful bone structure and delicate features. Glamour model? Me arse.
SWEET JESUS. She has a fake tan moustache. Wax much? Beautiful Lindsay Lohan. So striking. Now she looks like a low rent Jodie Marsh, as if that was possible. Why are you doing this to your beautiful face? Embrace your porcelian skin and freckles and go back to your beautiful red hair because I just think you're beautiful.
No this is not Jocelyn Wildenstein. This is Janice Dickinson, supposedly the world's first super model. More like super surgery beast. Not only has she has applied too much make-up, but her sheer amount of surgery makes her look pinched, tight and hard. This is not a rant against surgery. This is a rant surgery done in excess. And on the over-application of make-up. What happened to the fresh-faced, dark-haired girl who paved the way for ethnic looking brunettes?
DISCLAIMER: Girls, trust me when I say this: LESS IS MORE. You can always overdose on your lip gloss and even a smoky eye, but if you are using a tub of Estee Lauder Double Wear Foundation, you are just drowning out what God gave you. You should be enhancing your natural features, not hiding behind false eyelashes and foundation that is two shades too dark.
Remember: This is what you DON'T want to look like:
Think Bridgitte Bardot, not Umpa Lumpa.
1 comments:
She has a fake tan moustache
LOVE it!
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